When your low..

I met a new friend when my son started kindergarten this year. She had something I wanted, and she had something "Exciting" she wanted to share as well. Brandy, if you read this, I really don't know if what I was seeking was TRULY what you have given me. I, yes me... approached you. I sought you out, not knowing why "Except for PERFUME"... but someone had a plan much MUCH bigger than I could have ever imagined. My life Is not a open book, I am intimidated very easily and wish to make people happy, to have friends and be liked. I am afraid of rejection, being disliked, and often either OVER compensate things so people like me, or I am quiet and cower in a corner. I don't always know how to act. I am myself with my children, and my husband, I am comfortable with them, as well as my best friends ( more like family) Mr. and Mrs. Heinzmann. I have struggled with somethings for a VERY long time. I have made excuses for things that have went "wrong in my life". I just haven't been doing what I was supposed to. I am constantly reminded of true love and faith through The Heinzmanns, but for some reason something just clicked today.
Brandy... You reminded me to call out to God, and lean on him, to trust him. with tear soaked eyes, and still a ill stomach.. I am at peace, I am tired, my face hurts, my head hurts, my eyes hurt, all from crying and releasing everything to Him.
I honestly can not say where our adventure Brandy will take us, or that I will succeed, And right now I DON'T care, because you gave me more then an opportunity... I hope that Does NOT offend you that I speak it this way... Like I don't care if I do well in our adventure, ( my adventure) ...You reminded me that I have Jesus, and he is there and cares for me, and that is bigger then ANYTHING, EVEN a business transaction. That is bigger then and more of an adventure then what you offered me... I just didn't know it at the time. Neither did you~ All of this from a bottle of perfume! Thanks so much Brandy, you have NO idea what you have done..... Here is a link that Brandy sent to me, I encourage you to view it. Watch it carefully, it is A very powerful message! When you are low, and down, lonely, scared, anxious, He, Jesus is all you need!
Click here to be Moved, I sure was~

Lost in Outer space!

Our really good friends (More like family) whom we love dearly.... Came out in the freezing cold to see Thomas off! Thanks a million guys, Tom was so glad to have those moments with you and breakfast before heading out!
Tom and his mother Anna, and his baby sis Amy! Believe it or not I am close to both of them!

This is a horrifying picture, a woman wanted to call security because we were saying goodbye to Tom... Very silly, as well as aggravating so we rushed to get a few more pic's in!
This was the sign that was lit up in the Indianapolis Hoosier Dome for for all the attending and soldiers!
Here come the 3,400 soldiers, all waving and cheering, even though they knew they would sit through a 2 hour ceremony and this would be the last time they would be in the room with their loved ones!

Dad and the boy's
Tom and I, I had just been BALLING!
The 3,400 Soldiers ALL deploying to Iraq, I couldn't get them all in one picture, but I am sure you get the idea! There were over 20,000 people that attended that day! It was very emotional!

I know that I haven't updated in a bit...There has been so much going on~It has be very crazy here in my "land of outer space" I can't even think of where to start! Tom came home and spent 10 days with us for Christmas, and we were so busy seeing family, and friends that the time just seemed to fly by.

One thing that really bothers me is that I overheard him talking to a friend that I was distancing myself from him and staying in other rooms of the house. ( Just to clarify... I was doing laundry and keeping busy in other rooms, instead of watching a movie or spending time with him in the same room).. He said, "why don't you fold the laundry in the living room"... I didn't and it bothers me now. We were told that this was normal and some people do this as a way of making it easier to say goodbye. I cant describe to you the agony that I have felt over this. I know that he knows that I love him and that I am going to miss him with all my heart and I know how he feels about me. I JUST HATE THAT HE IS GONE! After this was heard, I waited until we were alone and told him that I had heard what he had said and that I was sorry that it bothered him. I did NOT do it on purpose, nor did I mean to hurt him by not spending time with him so I made sure I did the rest of the time he was home. The last night is forever etched in my heart, a very simple evening.. watching Shrek the 3rd, and Pirates of the Caribbean with the boys, Tom told me lay my head on his lap and just relax, I did my best to remember this was our last night for a very long time, and savor every moment! Our family time was very special and I will remember those moments forever. Those are what matter to me, and the boys will remember, ( even if they all fell asleep before Shrek was even over) LOL!

I knew that if I blogged and let my feelings out I would start to cry and I thought that enough time had passed just to get to this, but when I sit at a keyboard to blog the words and feelings sometimes just overcome me. I remember all too well what it was like and comments people would make about THEIR loved ones being gone( For business) and I would get so upset at the comparison. You can go here for an archive of the post about those feelings. Darn it !!! The post was titled Top 10 things NOT to ask...and the answers... Since I cant figure out how to directly link this former post... The date was 4/5/07 So just look at the archives.

Now, that I am crying again.... On to better things! We bought a house! I have been keeping VERY busy cleaning, packing and unpacking at the new house. Painting, shampooing carpets, hiring a Dry ~Waller to re~do the bathroom, and trying to decide what wallpaper to hang in the kitchen.

The boys are all VERY excited about the move and ask each time we make a trip in the new house's direction if we can take this and that to the new house. I just wish that Christian could understand that I am not putting the Christmas tree back up til NEXT year!!!!

The boys all go to different schools, Christian goes to a school for speech and language since he hardly talks. ( He is 3, soon to be 4 .. on Valentines day!) and still doest talk much and most is gibberish! He will get there. I have faith in that! Having 3 boys attending 3 different schools
is a NIGHTMARE! I wont even start on that!

So with Faith, God and prayers, Starbucks caffeine and Friends to call on I am in good hands!

F.Y.I. Tom says hello to all, and that when he gets settled he will guest blog from time to time so everyone knows how he is doing! XOXO

Big Girl Panties, Cotton Balls and Faith!

I seem to have fallen into a RUT! I know, I know, I havent blogged and when I have it seems because I have something to say that is about my sad story of hubby leaving.

Today though I turned the T.V. on to the last channel that was on when I went to bed last night... I WANTED to wathc the weather.... BUT God had other plans!

This is what I got in the last 5 minutes of the program...

God has promised ME, I am Blessed
God has promised ME I am Strong
I CAN do all things through Christ.....
I AM a child of God,
I have talents and treasures to offer to those around me.

Here is where my Faith has to come in.... Which is filled with God's promises.

Mark 4 31-32 It is a grain of mustard seed, which, when it sown in the earth, is less than all the seeds that be in the earth:
But when it sown, it groweth up, and becomes taller than all the herbs, and shooteth out great branches; so that the fowls of the air may lodge under the shadow of it.

God says to have peace, be still he is with me... Even on days that hubby will be gone and I am lonely and people worry me about thoughts they have on him coming home. He is with me on the days the kids are running around making messes and making new ones before I get the last one cleaned up. On nights I am comforting a sick child or I can't sleep because the bed feels empty. He is always there. I have to keep that mustard seed watered so it can grow~ ALL I NEED IS FAITH THE SIZE OF A MUSTARD SEED! AND Of coarse and my Big girl panties, and cotton balls for my ears!