Praying for Stellan~

What we have been up to~

The summer started off great, until June..... This is what proceeded everything our friends, our community, and our family have endured since early June. Just like the song when the lightning strikes the thunder ROLLS~~~~


June brought heavy rain to our town, I think almost 10 inches to be exact, It sure was a sight to wake to ....
This is the playground surrounding my sons school, not to mention the white building you see peeking through the trees is the Kroger's grocery.
This is Marsh, they obviously were out of everything as anyone that could get to them loaded up.... It was kinda like our town was a big camp ground. Since we were all with out power for a minimum of three days Neighbors all got together with food, grills and lawn chairs and joined in TOGETHER.

Then there was the tornado that whipped through the military base.....
The military fellows helping us all out .....
Loosing a first tooth
Getting lots of freckles, and naming each and everyone.
Mastering Potty training! Wow! That was a big one!

Remember the fallen soldiers, and placing a flag for my grandfather who served in WW1Starting school again!



To me what really matters, is that God kept is all safe, he looked out for us, My husband is still gone but God keeps him covered too! Our friend that lost everything have found a new appreciation for their homes, and figured out it isn't what you have, it is what matters most In your heart... Family, being safe and together. I thank God he was there for us all!

It's Happening

Day after Thanksgiving 2007
Christmas Eve 2007
Christmas Day 2007 ( Pouting my chin up to hide it)

January 2008

I have waited SO long to actually feel good about buying clothes, I dont yet... since now I am in between sizes.

I have waited for somone to say Oh wow, and pat me on the back and actually notice the hard work I have been putting forth since I started this change of lifestyle, (change of diet.) I have went for months getting excited as I would see the Dr. for Blood pressure checks, and just last week a glucose test. My sugar and BP had been high off and on but The Dr. asured me that getting the weight off would bring me back. Well I am no longer pre~diabetic, and while my BP spikes at times, the Dr. as have I have noticed now it is usually stress induced. I am not where I need to be or where I want to be, but I do have more energy, and dont get worn out as easily chasing after the boys. I am liking who I see in the mirror again though and that is IMPORTANT! For sixteen years this has been a challenge, and I am FINALLY motivated to do something about it! Espescially since someone yesterday really didnt recognize me, and I told here who I was... she just didnt put it all together UNTIL I showed her my Drivers Licence picture. She thought I looked so different. I am proud the work is showing, but will NEVER forget what I looked like, or HOW it feels to be starred at like you are a pig, when at resturants I always felt like someone was starring like are you going to eat ALL of that! It was so degrading, humiliating...but humbling too. For now I see what others struggle with and will never put an overweight person down. It hurts.... and they too can acheive success, it is hard and alot of work but it isw SO SO worth it! It matters to me that I am healthy and able to let go of it all and be there for my kids and enjoy them... They matter to me, and the weight has made it hard to have fun with them. I am thankful to see that, and to be heading down the right path!

April 24th 2008 ( Previous Pictures were Mid April at the park with the boy's. I havent been able to fit on one in years....

Lost in Outer space!

Our really good friends (More like family) whom we love dearly.... Came out in the freezing cold to see Thomas off! Thanks a million guys, Tom was so glad to have those moments with you and breakfast before heading out!
Tom and his mother Anna, and his baby sis Amy! Believe it or not I am close to both of them!

This is a horrifying picture, a woman wanted to call security because we were saying goodbye to Tom... Very silly, as well as aggravating so we rushed to get a few more pic's in!
This was the sign that was lit up in the Indianapolis Hoosier Dome for for all the attending and soldiers!
Here come the 3,400 soldiers, all waving and cheering, even though they knew they would sit through a 2 hour ceremony and this would be the last time they would be in the room with their loved ones!

Dad and the boy's
Tom and I, I had just been BALLING!
The 3,400 Soldiers ALL deploying to Iraq, I couldn't get them all in one picture, but I am sure you get the idea! There were over 20,000 people that attended that day! It was very emotional!

I know that I haven't updated in a bit...There has been so much going on~It has be very crazy here in my "land of outer space" I can't even think of where to start! Tom came home and spent 10 days with us for Christmas, and we were so busy seeing family, and friends that the time just seemed to fly by.

One thing that really bothers me is that I overheard him talking to a friend that I was distancing myself from him and staying in other rooms of the house. ( Just to clarify... I was doing laundry and keeping busy in other rooms, instead of watching a movie or spending time with him in the same room).. He said, "why don't you fold the laundry in the living room"... I didn't and it bothers me now. We were told that this was normal and some people do this as a way of making it easier to say goodbye. I cant describe to you the agony that I have felt over this. I know that he knows that I love him and that I am going to miss him with all my heart and I know how he feels about me. I JUST HATE THAT HE IS GONE! After this was heard, I waited until we were alone and told him that I had heard what he had said and that I was sorry that it bothered him. I did NOT do it on purpose, nor did I mean to hurt him by not spending time with him so I made sure I did the rest of the time he was home. The last night is forever etched in my heart, a very simple evening.. watching Shrek the 3rd, and Pirates of the Caribbean with the boys, Tom told me lay my head on his lap and just relax, I did my best to remember this was our last night for a very long time, and savor every moment! Our family time was very special and I will remember those moments forever. Those are what matter to me, and the boys will remember, ( even if they all fell asleep before Shrek was even over) LOL!

I knew that if I blogged and let my feelings out I would start to cry and I thought that enough time had passed just to get to this, but when I sit at a keyboard to blog the words and feelings sometimes just overcome me. I remember all too well what it was like and comments people would make about THEIR loved ones being gone( For business) and I would get so upset at the comparison. You can go here for an archive of the post about those feelings. Darn it !!! The post was titled Top 10 things NOT to ask...and the answers... Since I cant figure out how to directly link this former post... The date was 4/5/07 So just look at the archives.

Now, that I am crying again.... On to better things! We bought a house! I have been keeping VERY busy cleaning, packing and unpacking at the new house. Painting, shampooing carpets, hiring a Dry ~Waller to re~do the bathroom, and trying to decide what wallpaper to hang in the kitchen.

The boys are all VERY excited about the move and ask each time we make a trip in the new house's direction if we can take this and that to the new house. I just wish that Christian could understand that I am not putting the Christmas tree back up til NEXT year!!!!

The boys all go to different schools, Christian goes to a school for speech and language since he hardly talks. ( He is 3, soon to be 4 .. on Valentines day!) and still doest talk much and most is gibberish! He will get there. I have faith in that! Having 3 boys attending 3 different schools
is a NIGHTMARE! I wont even start on that!

So with Faith, God and prayers, Starbucks caffeine and Friends to call on I am in good hands!

F.Y.I. Tom says hello to all, and that when he gets settled he will guest blog from time to time so everyone knows how he is doing! XOXO

A Peice of Me

By the way, I love SNOWMEN.... Notice the cute snowman garland? I totally took the tree apart last night and redid the whole entire thing! LOL :) The things that you do when the kids are in bed sound asleep and you are lonely and have a big empty bed to fall into! Oh, I miss Tom!

As a child I grew up as a preachers ( PK for short) daughter, things were hard. My father was assistant pastor of our small hometown church and he always wanted to stress the importance of the meaning of Christmas. My mother and father disagreed alot on whether to give us girls presents. Dad thought that something small and simple and inexpensive was the way to go... He didn't want to feed into a mass frenzy of loosing the TRUE meaning of Christmas.
Mom always wanted to decorate elaborately, and give us lots of gifts. In turn she did what she wanted and this caused ALOT of fighting between them at Christmas. Which has caused problems for me that have lasted since childhood. I dreaded Christmas as a child because there would always be yelling and fighting for ones beliefs. I can NOT say that either of them were wrong but there should have been some compromise. There was also the fact that there was not alot of money because my mom is a shopper... ALL year round! So at Christmas she maxed out credit cards and then more fighting about bills coming in. However the truth is that she never bought us much..She spent it on other things... FOR the HOUSE!. IT was the decorations, the place mats,tablecloths, the garland, the wreaths the ELABORATE dinner complete with Fine China. Which I may add she bought a new set EVERY year. Inviting friends over and shooing us kids away, but NOT with out hearing her say... Oh look at what I bought~ She always has been about showing off. Spending well beyond the means of Dad's income. Don't get me wrong I love both of my parents but to say the least I do not have the best relationship with my mom.

To me every year I walk through the stores and feel anxiety sweep over me like I know the past will repeat. It DOESN'T! ( The past). It is completely opposite. My husband LOVES the holidays and likes to pick fun things out to decorate with... WITHIN reason. Not to mention we buy alot of things the day after Christmas for the following year. I guess what I am saying is that the holidays have always been hard for me. I remember too much from a child. So, in turn when I hear Christmas music on the radio, and start seeing the decorations come out at the store I kinda shut down. That is totally unfair and something I have worked on for the last several years. I have gotten alot better at not getting sad or anxious about the holidays and now I even laugh at the Charlie Brown Specials , and Rudolph and Frosty..... We couldn't even watch those as a child, because it was not what the meaning of Christmas was.

I am constantly reminding myself that I do NOT have to repeat what my parents did through the holidays and make my children suffer and not have fun. I force myself at times to get into the spirit, and have fun. It IS becoming more natural. Which makes me VERY happy.
I love to see the boy's faces light up when the tree is complete and we decorate with snowmen and holiday globes and even Rudolph and the Snow Miser and Heat Miser... ( TOM'S FAVORITES). I love it when the kids and Tom walk around singing "Put one foot in front over the other".... Or "Rudolph the Red nosed reindeer had a very shiny nose"......

We have some of our own traditions now, like making monkey bread on Christmas Eve morning, making Christmas cookies, and watching A Christmas Story, and Its a Wonderful life... WHICH I LOVE BUT TEND TO USUALLY FALL ASLEEP THROUGH! Most of all were a family, that is what matters, and that it is a happy time for the children.

I CAN NOT always live in the past holidays from my childhood, and I refuse to let that consume me. It is NOT easy but IT IS WORTH IT.... Watching the kids faces opening gifts, Reading The Night Before Christmas and even about The birth of Baby Jesus. They even get excited about our simple nativity display. They get very excited and we ALWAYS tell him "Happy birthday" on Christmas!
They get the best of both worlds, and parents that don't fight about the holidays....
After all, isn't this supposed to be a happy, and FUN time of year????????????

Here is a quick update,

Last friday I spilled paint on the office floor...

Saturday we went to my MIL's to help her move Tom's sister stuff out of of her apartment. WAS NOT FUN!

Sunday our washer broke, Tom fixed it...

As soon as I started the dryer it broke.... Tom fixed it too....

Tom left Monday and the world seems like it has fallen down around me. I will survive though!

I went to Dr. yesterday with a double ear infection and bronchitis... Not to mention the nurse gasped and said your temprature is 103.2..Did you know you were running a temp?... YES, I KNEW I HAD A FEVER! I am feeling a little better today, enough so that I made a cake for the kids and for Tom who is sneaking off post tonight... HE! HE! HE! So far it is still intact and the kids are staying out of it! So tonight we will have lots of family time and I am sure a sugar buzz! Might even throw in a few Christmas special's.

Even better I did get a new purse from someone who makes them online! LOVE IT!

Dizzy

I feel like the world is spinning. I want it to stop if only for a second. The spinning is SOO fast!
I am completely overwhelmed. I started this whole thing with finding something EVERYDAY that I am thankful for.... However!
Today, Life just has fizzed and to be blunt IT SUCKS!
Our computer has been acting dumb and caught some INCURABLE virus and we decided to take the plunge and brake down and get a new one. But..now I have to figure out Vista Shimishta. Hopefully I will be able to add photos when I add them to this new computer which I might learn to like.... I just found comfort like an old shoe in my old one. The keys seemed to fit my fingertips and everything! I will be okay. I just feel a bit dizzy. Thank God we could get a new one and not pay for it until after the holidays.

Matters only seemed to get a bit more fun (sarcastically speaking) when the phone rang and it was the big guys from the commander, Hubby now has to report MONDAY! I know that I can find comfort and thanks in the fact that he has been of the last week and a half HOWEVER I feel like being a CRAB! So I will say this....I AM thankful that he has been home on vacation spending time with us all!

Still looking....

I am still looking for comments to pick a name from! You know everyone likes something free in the mail! Leave me a comment on what you are thankful for and keep checking and commenting I will pick a name on Wednesday~



This is what the holidays are ALL about. It isn't what you GET... It is WHAT Are you thankful for? It could ALL be taken away in a blink of an eye!



Think of the California fires, Hurricane Katrina, 911~ A loved one going off to war and never returning~ It could be anything~



Today, I am thankful that my hubby is STILL on vacation ( until DEC 10th) when he leaves for Iraq. I am thankful we didn't get into a fight when I rearranged the office and I broke the computer desk. He didn't get mad,and he bought some brackets and fixed it back up!