I am so aggravated, I don't know why doctors cant seem to plan everything together!?
Why they don't know how to plan things out!!!
I guess I should say the nurses...
I was set to have surgery the 15th...
which wasn't confirmed but that is what they wanted, then it wouldn't work for them AGAIN...
So then it was the 22nd!
Now it wont be until the 29th.
2 days before my 35th birthday... and right before Tom goes back to work.....

This Year...

Glitter Graphics Maker & MySpace Layouts

It's Happening

Day after Thanksgiving 2007
Christmas Eve 2007
Christmas Day 2007 ( Pouting my chin up to hide it)

January 2008

I have waited SO long to actually feel good about buying clothes, I dont yet... since now I am in between sizes.

I have waited for somone to say Oh wow, and pat me on the back and actually notice the hard work I have been putting forth since I started this change of lifestyle, (change of diet.) I have went for months getting excited as I would see the Dr. for Blood pressure checks, and just last week a glucose test. My sugar and BP had been high off and on but The Dr. asured me that getting the weight off would bring me back. Well I am no longer pre~diabetic, and while my BP spikes at times, the Dr. as have I have noticed now it is usually stress induced. I am not where I need to be or where I want to be, but I do have more energy, and dont get worn out as easily chasing after the boys. I am liking who I see in the mirror again though and that is IMPORTANT! For sixteen years this has been a challenge, and I am FINALLY motivated to do something about it! Espescially since someone yesterday really didnt recognize me, and I told here who I was... she just didnt put it all together UNTIL I showed her my Drivers Licence picture. She thought I looked so different. I am proud the work is showing, but will NEVER forget what I looked like, or HOW it feels to be starred at like you are a pig, when at resturants I always felt like someone was starring like are you going to eat ALL of that! It was so degrading, humiliating...but humbling too. For now I see what others struggle with and will never put an overweight person down. It hurts.... and they too can acheive success, it is hard and alot of work but it isw SO SO worth it! It matters to me that I am healthy and able to let go of it all and be there for my kids and enjoy them... They matter to me, and the weight has made it hard to have fun with them. I am thankful to see that, and to be heading down the right path!

April 24th 2008 ( Previous Pictures were Mid April at the park with the boy's. I havent been able to fit on one in years....

Where Oh Where~

Where has the time went? Seems like yesterday we received a phone call that we had been given the gift of adopting Trenton and Christian. We were going to court to actually relinquish guardianship of the boys after having them for over a year. Trent was 2, and Christian was 8 weeks when they came to live with us. Trent had however been with us previously for 6 months, and was returned to his parents, only to be abused over and over again. Lots of praying and I guess pleading with God for them to be safe. Not to mention that I told God...Out of human mommy nature NOT to send them to me again UNLESS I could keep them. So again I was heartbroken KNOWING I would have to give them back. I was mad at God but in the back of my mind I kept saying God I TOLD YOU NOT TO GIVE THEM TO ME AGAIN UNLESS.........................................

The day was so clear it was the day before I had to leave for Michigan to take them back, go to court and give them to their parents. While taking a shower the phone rang, I peeked to see if it was Tom on caller I.D. It was the boys bio mom. I started to ignore it.... Let it ring! She called again, I answered from the shower, (Speaker phone). She asked if I was sitting down, of coarse I wasn't. I was thinking GREAT.... she is pregnant or something. Only half listening to her she asked if we would adopt her boys. Okay....that got my attention... Water turned off and soap on my hair..... I asked WHAT? Making sure I heard her right, She was not comfortable with taking the boys from a safe loving home where they were growing and thriving. Nor was she ready to be responsible ( Although I think that was very mature of her to KNOW she couldn't do it).

So now a million questions were running through my head... What about court.... so on and so on. The CPS worker called me, lawyers were calling me, NOT long after she called me. Mom had asked to be the one to tell me, and then when her attorney knew she had talked to me the phone rang and rang. That day and the rest of the night are still a blur. I didn't have to pack their things up, and give them back but we still had to go to court, just for a different reason. She had been planning this for a bit so everything was set in motion.

I remember sitting in the chair at the stand ( The chair was like an office chair). I was VERY nervous. The court room was full of CASA workers, lawyers, CPS workers and so on. The parents were there, the maternal and paternal family's as well. I was asked questions about the boys and how I felt about them, how I felt about keeping them and loving them as my own. I was overwhelmed and fuzzy headed... ( I was spinning in my chair LITERALLY) After court my son and the CPS worker and Lawyer laughed and said did you realize you were spinning back and forth??? LOL?????? NERVES!

The boys were ours, after our 90 day wait....The parents had time to change their minds. ( 90 days of waiting and worrying) It was official October 10th, 2005!!!!!!