Here I Go Again On My own~

Im at I.U. Med center again... Surgery is packed and Im being worked in... I am starving! Working out and drinking water, training for the Breast Cancer 5K... My body has been getting used to eating 5 times a day. Three meals and 2 snacks! I did have to WAIT THREE whole hours for my room to get ready... So I trekked to Riley and had McDonald's.....The salad was YUMMMOOO!!!!
I wont go into the Gorey details but my implant from breast reconstruction is trying to make an appearance on the outside of my body! Totally not a good thing.,, I am UNSURE what I will wake up to? Will I loose the implant and have heal for 6 months to a year or will surgeon save it, or replace it??? God only knows! I just know this is a very hard time... Cancer SUCKS... and so does putting the pieces of your body back together! My heart hurts, my head hurts from crying and stress, and the UNKNOWN! I was supposed to be done with everything on the 22ND of OCT. But now, I don't know if I will be "biggy small" and have to start all over.... I am just speechless now... just thinking of what the results will be when I awake! I know I will be reaching to feel if "it" is still there... and cry if its not! I'm just tired, this has been such a LONG YEAR!

Again

Again,?
here i am once again in the hospital...
wearing a yellow gown...
taking morphine to dull the pain...
waiting for answers..
the doctors just dont have....

Again,?
missing my babies...
my own bed...
a normalcy kind of life...
Again, whats normal????????

I am so aggravated, I don't know why doctors cant seem to plan everything together!?
Why they don't know how to plan things out!!!
I guess I should say the nurses...
I was set to have surgery the 15th...
which wasn't confirmed but that is what they wanted, then it wouldn't work for them AGAIN...
So then it was the 22nd!
Now it wont be until the 29th.
2 days before my 35th birthday... and right before Tom goes back to work.....

Being lost in an Unknown world~

The Family in Hilton Head South Carolina!

Tom and I... Love this picture!

I know so many have been wondering where I have been and what I have been up to.

The long version would take days to type out. So In a "nutshell! The kids have all been overwhelmed and miserable missing Dad, and bust running between 2 homes! Dieting at the same time! WHEWW!

1. Tom left Jan 2, 46 days since I have seen him :(

2. Bought a house right before he left.Even though I initially wanted to wait. Have loved this house for years, and we knew the previous owners, so we know it's history as well.

3. Jan 6Th Had an accident Hit a deer and ran off the road and tore up my van by hitting a farmers fence and dragging it for a bit so deep scratches all the way from the front to the back, on the passenger side, as well as the front window. Deers hoofs were in the windshield right in my sons face!

Good news is that NO one was injured. Deer ran away but may have been hurt and died?? I just don't know. It made me sad and we were ALL shaken up.

4. Have had crappy weather and the adjuster couldn't get to look at damages until the 17Th of January. I could deal with that, I could one, Drive my van and look at how ugly it was but be reminded of how lucky we all were,: or 2 Drive hubby's gas sucking SUV. I choose the van. LOL!

I hated the wallpaper in the kitchen so it is currently being transformed~

The boy's hanging out in the living room, wanting everything over with! Ofcoarse I was having a bit of fun saying Hi to Tom~ Via email and pictures... Looking at the pic's though I see some weight disappering WOOOOOO HOOOOO!The dining room before it was finished!

5. Hired a painter for the dining room, and brother in law to gut the bathroom! ( which was AWFUL! .. The bathroom was that is!)

6. January 21st MLK Day... A 3 days before getting my van fixed from deer damage, I was hit on by a woman hitting me head on. There were witnesses, they all stated she was talking on her cell phone and not watching were she was going and swerved into my lane, which was a turn lane to turn left. She was also speeding and I was completely STOPPED!~ This time we were not as lucky.

7. Burns from the seat belt, and back pain! Kids are all OK! Ride in the ambulance wasn't fun, but things could have been MUCH worse and I am thankful they were not!

8. Trying to remodel a bathroom... SUCKS! Thank God My BIL is a dry~waller.

He gutted the whole thing went and got what we needed and redid it all, INCLUDING paint!

9. While van was in route to storage for Insurance adjusters, the tow guy destroyed the back end! EWWW! I have had enough! Not to mention that they are denying it, and also took it to be auctioned~ Still waiting on outcome but my van Is fixed!

10. Moved on the 23rd, had a small birthday throw together since everyone was here, showered, packed; left the next morning for Hilton Head South Carolina! Drove straight through... What was I thinking? Arrived at Approx 2:30 am and the boys wanted to take a "bath" in the jacuzzi! Spent the rest of the time with Tom who had a pass from Ft Stewart, GA before leaving to Iraq

:( Spent time site seeing and lots of time at the ocean!

Now, I have to UNPACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Help?! This really doesnt do the house justice, we just have path's carved through the rooms!

Finding Joy

Finding Joy is NOT always easy. All weekend I have been on the verge of tears, and even as I type right now I AM LITTERALLY about to loose it! It never fails that right before my husband leaves something seems to go wrong and cause us to squabble at each other. Almost like it is somehow going to make him leaving a lil easier. I know it does sound morbid, but that is the way it seems most times. We went and helped my wonderful mother in law yesterday with some things she can't physically do, but yet needed done before he left. SOO! I had a much longer post but this is all that was saved so I give up... I am throwing my hands in the air~

Dizzy

I feel like the world is spinning. I want it to stop if only for a second. The spinning is SOO fast!
I am completely overwhelmed. I started this whole thing with finding something EVERYDAY that I am thankful for.... However!
Today, Life just has fizzed and to be blunt IT SUCKS!
Our computer has been acting dumb and caught some INCURABLE virus and we decided to take the plunge and brake down and get a new one. But..now I have to figure out Vista Shimishta. Hopefully I will be able to add photos when I add them to this new computer which I might learn to like.... I just found comfort like an old shoe in my old one. The keys seemed to fit my fingertips and everything! I will be okay. I just feel a bit dizzy. Thank God we could get a new one and not pay for it until after the holidays.

Matters only seemed to get a bit more fun (sarcastically speaking) when the phone rang and it was the big guys from the commander, Hubby now has to report MONDAY! I know that I can find comfort and thanks in the fact that he has been of the last week and a half HOWEVER I feel like being a CRAB! So I will say this....I AM thankful that he has been home on vacation spending time with us all!

Help I am in a FUNK!

Do you ever fell like you just want to stay in bed? I have felt this way for weeks now... I am SOOOO tired. I think I am just too anxious and overwhelmed with hubby leaving soon. TOO soon!

Stay Tuned... I will be back to posting again SOON!

My kids do make me smile though.. I just wish I was NOT so tired......I guess stress will do that!