When your low..

I met a new friend when my son started kindergarten this year. She had something I wanted, and she had something "Exciting" she wanted to share as well. Brandy, if you read this, I really don't know if what I was seeking was TRULY what you have given me. I, yes me... approached you. I sought you out, not knowing why "Except for PERFUME"... but someone had a plan much MUCH bigger than I could have ever imagined. My life Is not a open book, I am intimidated very easily and wish to make people happy, to have friends and be liked. I am afraid of rejection, being disliked, and often either OVER compensate things so people like me, or I am quiet and cower in a corner. I don't always know how to act. I am myself with my children, and my husband, I am comfortable with them, as well as my best friends ( more like family) Mr. and Mrs. Heinzmann. I have struggled with somethings for a VERY long time. I have made excuses for things that have went "wrong in my life". I just haven't been doing what I was supposed to. I am constantly reminded of true love and faith through The Heinzmanns, but for some reason something just clicked today.
Brandy... You reminded me to call out to God, and lean on him, to trust him. with tear soaked eyes, and still a ill stomach.. I am at peace, I am tired, my face hurts, my head hurts, my eyes hurt, all from crying and releasing everything to Him.
I honestly can not say where our adventure Brandy will take us, or that I will succeed, And right now I DON'T care, because you gave me more then an opportunity... I hope that Does NOT offend you that I speak it this way... Like I don't care if I do well in our adventure, ( my adventure) ...You reminded me that I have Jesus, and he is there and cares for me, and that is bigger then ANYTHING, EVEN a business transaction. That is bigger then and more of an adventure then what you offered me... I just didn't know it at the time. Neither did you~ All of this from a bottle of perfume! Thanks so much Brandy, you have NO idea what you have done..... Here is a link that Brandy sent to me, I encourage you to view it. Watch it carefully, it is A very powerful message! When you are low, and down, lonely, scared, anxious, He, Jesus is all you need!
Click here to be Moved, I sure was~

This and That~

THANK YOU TOM, for being such a wonferul husband and taking care of us, even when your not home, thinking of us and making us feel your love when you are SO FAR away!

You sacerfice so much for us all, not just your family but so many other Americans as well! You give so much up for us... I know that I could never do what you do, or repay you for what you have done for this country, even though you are just, but one person YOU make a team of others to do the job~ I love you and I am so proud to be your wife, and have you as my Best Friend!

It has been a long time since my husband has gotten to tell me "Goodnight"! Normally he is being told Goodnight from me as the time difference is SEVEN hours. Well, it is 12:08 am and He called me a few minutes ago. He was off to breakfast, and then to work! I love that his voice will be the last one I hear before I crawl into bed tonight, or morning LOL! I miss him so much right now. I can hardly believe that sometimes I CAN and DO survive without him being here. It is SO hard at times. I know that God is using him and every single soldier there. Just refer to my previous thoughts on this, here is a link! God's hands and Feet I hope that many of you will reflect back on this and really think about what it says and know that Yes while I KNOW many don't agree with the war and soldiers being away from home, missing their loved ones; That They THE SOLDIERS chose this lifestyle and myself as a wife knew it was a possibilities that I would see my husband leave for war. I knew this just as him as a soldier. That DOESN'T make it easier. I know that you Tom, will eventually read this.... I miss you Babe, be safe and know we all love you ~
Tom acting just a BIT Silly... Got to do something over there!

Anyway for a subject change! Things have remained busy as usual, which is good at times. The house is done and everything is PERFECTLY organized. FOR NOW!

I don't know why when everything is all put away in a new home (Or in our case a 1930's home) that things look so good and perfect and has a special place UNTIL we all get lazy and just put it where ever. Anyone else do that? I keep finding myself in a hurry and starting to just shove something in the drawer or in a cabinet and find myself scolded by my inner voice... Now, is this where that goes? At least I don't say it out loud or answer myself.. I just put it where it goes! Which So far has not been in the dining room piling up the table! I think it looks too nice when it isn't cluttered!

Told ya it wasn't cluttered! Very simple light over dining room table... Love it~~

The boys had a nice Easter despite their Daddy being gone. We went to some friends house and had a pitch in, had a Easter egg hunt indoors, since it was snowing on Easter! Yes, EASTER! It is Indiana afterall~

Christian is talking ALOT more and going to the potty all by himself. He isn't totally trained but ALMOST! YEAH RAH!!! Some days I cant believe how much the boys are changing, and wonder where they would be if we had taken them into our hearts and our home!

The boy's headed back to school, Spring break was over for them. I am the one that has spring fever now! I can NOT wait to finish "decorating the yard" . First things first though... It has to be CLEANED up!

I love the way the kitchen came out considering the age and what it looked like to start with, remember the before? Just in case you have forgotten... It was DREADFUL! It was enough to make a crazy person sane! Even my MIL thought is was awful... and to say the least she likes alot of things.... I love ya Momma~ BTW. That is my new name for her. It took me 16 years to call her that!

Before>>>

Same wall, AFTER~

Kitchen table, remaining UNCLUTTERED! For now

Favorite wall, Kitchen of coarse! AND....of coarse the Living Room~

Being lost in an Unknown world~

The Family in Hilton Head South Carolina!

Tom and I... Love this picture!

I know so many have been wondering where I have been and what I have been up to.

The long version would take days to type out. So In a "nutshell! The kids have all been overwhelmed and miserable missing Dad, and bust running between 2 homes! Dieting at the same time! WHEWW!

1. Tom left Jan 2, 46 days since I have seen him :(

2. Bought a house right before he left.Even though I initially wanted to wait. Have loved this house for years, and we knew the previous owners, so we know it's history as well.

3. Jan 6Th Had an accident Hit a deer and ran off the road and tore up my van by hitting a farmers fence and dragging it for a bit so deep scratches all the way from the front to the back, on the passenger side, as well as the front window. Deers hoofs were in the windshield right in my sons face!

Good news is that NO one was injured. Deer ran away but may have been hurt and died?? I just don't know. It made me sad and we were ALL shaken up.

4. Have had crappy weather and the adjuster couldn't get to look at damages until the 17Th of January. I could deal with that, I could one, Drive my van and look at how ugly it was but be reminded of how lucky we all were,: or 2 Drive hubby's gas sucking SUV. I choose the van. LOL!

I hated the wallpaper in the kitchen so it is currently being transformed~

The boy's hanging out in the living room, wanting everything over with! Ofcoarse I was having a bit of fun saying Hi to Tom~ Via email and pictures... Looking at the pic's though I see some weight disappering WOOOOOO HOOOOO!The dining room before it was finished!

5. Hired a painter for the dining room, and brother in law to gut the bathroom! ( which was AWFUL! .. The bathroom was that is!)

6. January 21st MLK Day... A 3 days before getting my van fixed from deer damage, I was hit on by a woman hitting me head on. There were witnesses, they all stated she was talking on her cell phone and not watching were she was going and swerved into my lane, which was a turn lane to turn left. She was also speeding and I was completely STOPPED!~ This time we were not as lucky.

7. Burns from the seat belt, and back pain! Kids are all OK! Ride in the ambulance wasn't fun, but things could have been MUCH worse and I am thankful they were not!

8. Trying to remodel a bathroom... SUCKS! Thank God My BIL is a dry~waller.

He gutted the whole thing went and got what we needed and redid it all, INCLUDING paint!

9. While van was in route to storage for Insurance adjusters, the tow guy destroyed the back end! EWWW! I have had enough! Not to mention that they are denying it, and also took it to be auctioned~ Still waiting on outcome but my van Is fixed!

10. Moved on the 23rd, had a small birthday throw together since everyone was here, showered, packed; left the next morning for Hilton Head South Carolina! Drove straight through... What was I thinking? Arrived at Approx 2:30 am and the boys wanted to take a "bath" in the jacuzzi! Spent the rest of the time with Tom who had a pass from Ft Stewart, GA before leaving to Iraq

:( Spent time site seeing and lots of time at the ocean!

Now, I have to UNPACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Help?! This really doesnt do the house justice, we just have path's carved through the rooms!

Lost in Outer space!

Our really good friends (More like family) whom we love dearly.... Came out in the freezing cold to see Thomas off! Thanks a million guys, Tom was so glad to have those moments with you and breakfast before heading out!
Tom and his mother Anna, and his baby sis Amy! Believe it or not I am close to both of them!

This is a horrifying picture, a woman wanted to call security because we were saying goodbye to Tom... Very silly, as well as aggravating so we rushed to get a few more pic's in!
This was the sign that was lit up in the Indianapolis Hoosier Dome for for all the attending and soldiers!
Here come the 3,400 soldiers, all waving and cheering, even though they knew they would sit through a 2 hour ceremony and this would be the last time they would be in the room with their loved ones!

Dad and the boy's
Tom and I, I had just been BALLING!
The 3,400 Soldiers ALL deploying to Iraq, I couldn't get them all in one picture, but I am sure you get the idea! There were over 20,000 people that attended that day! It was very emotional!

I know that I haven't updated in a bit...There has been so much going on~It has be very crazy here in my "land of outer space" I can't even think of where to start! Tom came home and spent 10 days with us for Christmas, and we were so busy seeing family, and friends that the time just seemed to fly by.

One thing that really bothers me is that I overheard him talking to a friend that I was distancing myself from him and staying in other rooms of the house. ( Just to clarify... I was doing laundry and keeping busy in other rooms, instead of watching a movie or spending time with him in the same room).. He said, "why don't you fold the laundry in the living room"... I didn't and it bothers me now. We were told that this was normal and some people do this as a way of making it easier to say goodbye. I cant describe to you the agony that I have felt over this. I know that he knows that I love him and that I am going to miss him with all my heart and I know how he feels about me. I JUST HATE THAT HE IS GONE! After this was heard, I waited until we were alone and told him that I had heard what he had said and that I was sorry that it bothered him. I did NOT do it on purpose, nor did I mean to hurt him by not spending time with him so I made sure I did the rest of the time he was home. The last night is forever etched in my heart, a very simple evening.. watching Shrek the 3rd, and Pirates of the Caribbean with the boys, Tom told me lay my head on his lap and just relax, I did my best to remember this was our last night for a very long time, and savor every moment! Our family time was very special and I will remember those moments forever. Those are what matter to me, and the boys will remember, ( even if they all fell asleep before Shrek was even over) LOL!

I knew that if I blogged and let my feelings out I would start to cry and I thought that enough time had passed just to get to this, but when I sit at a keyboard to blog the words and feelings sometimes just overcome me. I remember all too well what it was like and comments people would make about THEIR loved ones being gone( For business) and I would get so upset at the comparison. You can go here for an archive of the post about those feelings. Darn it !!! The post was titled Top 10 things NOT to ask...and the answers... Since I cant figure out how to directly link this former post... The date was 4/5/07 So just look at the archives.

Now, that I am crying again.... On to better things! We bought a house! I have been keeping VERY busy cleaning, packing and unpacking at the new house. Painting, shampooing carpets, hiring a Dry ~Waller to re~do the bathroom, and trying to decide what wallpaper to hang in the kitchen.

The boys are all VERY excited about the move and ask each time we make a trip in the new house's direction if we can take this and that to the new house. I just wish that Christian could understand that I am not putting the Christmas tree back up til NEXT year!!!!

The boys all go to different schools, Christian goes to a school for speech and language since he hardly talks. ( He is 3, soon to be 4 .. on Valentines day!) and still doest talk much and most is gibberish! He will get there. I have faith in that! Having 3 boys attending 3 different schools
is a NIGHTMARE! I wont even start on that!

So with Faith, God and prayers, Starbucks caffeine and Friends to call on I am in good hands!

F.Y.I. Tom says hello to all, and that when he gets settled he will guest blog from time to time so everyone knows how he is doing! XOXO

Fun Tree Topper

I have ALWAYS wanted a snowman tree topper, I didn't want a Angel, a Star or a Santa....
Do you know that I have NEVER EVAH seen one though! I am sure that my fellow Snowmen lovers out there can agree!
Alas, until now!!!!!

I give you Mr. Snowman, that is what the kids are calling him! Sorry this first picture is a little fuzzy but, keep looking! :)

I made him all by myself.... Which makes me very happy and proud! I can hardly wait to turn the tree on and see his body glisten.... ( Used clear sparkly glitter spray paint to get that effect), Looks just like fresh fallen snow~However I know that you can see it in the pictures!
The HARDEST part was waiting on the gorilla glue to dry and hold all the dowel rods firm! Oh the anticipation was BRUTAL! All and all it was a lot of fun and I am very thankful that he turned out so Darn cute! BTW.... EAT YOUR SNOW HEART OUT LIZZA! ;) LOL! You know I love ya!

A Peice of Me

By the way, I love SNOWMEN.... Notice the cute snowman garland? I totally took the tree apart last night and redid the whole entire thing! LOL :) The things that you do when the kids are in bed sound asleep and you are lonely and have a big empty bed to fall into! Oh, I miss Tom!

As a child I grew up as a preachers ( PK for short) daughter, things were hard. My father was assistant pastor of our small hometown church and he always wanted to stress the importance of the meaning of Christmas. My mother and father disagreed alot on whether to give us girls presents. Dad thought that something small and simple and inexpensive was the way to go... He didn't want to feed into a mass frenzy of loosing the TRUE meaning of Christmas.
Mom always wanted to decorate elaborately, and give us lots of gifts. In turn she did what she wanted and this caused ALOT of fighting between them at Christmas. Which has caused problems for me that have lasted since childhood. I dreaded Christmas as a child because there would always be yelling and fighting for ones beliefs. I can NOT say that either of them were wrong but there should have been some compromise. There was also the fact that there was not alot of money because my mom is a shopper... ALL year round! So at Christmas she maxed out credit cards and then more fighting about bills coming in. However the truth is that she never bought us much..She spent it on other things... FOR the HOUSE!. IT was the decorations, the place mats,tablecloths, the garland, the wreaths the ELABORATE dinner complete with Fine China. Which I may add she bought a new set EVERY year. Inviting friends over and shooing us kids away, but NOT with out hearing her say... Oh look at what I bought~ She always has been about showing off. Spending well beyond the means of Dad's income. Don't get me wrong I love both of my parents but to say the least I do not have the best relationship with my mom.

To me every year I walk through the stores and feel anxiety sweep over me like I know the past will repeat. It DOESN'T! ( The past). It is completely opposite. My husband LOVES the holidays and likes to pick fun things out to decorate with... WITHIN reason. Not to mention we buy alot of things the day after Christmas for the following year. I guess what I am saying is that the holidays have always been hard for me. I remember too much from a child. So, in turn when I hear Christmas music on the radio, and start seeing the decorations come out at the store I kinda shut down. That is totally unfair and something I have worked on for the last several years. I have gotten alot better at not getting sad or anxious about the holidays and now I even laugh at the Charlie Brown Specials , and Rudolph and Frosty..... We couldn't even watch those as a child, because it was not what the meaning of Christmas was.

I am constantly reminding myself that I do NOT have to repeat what my parents did through the holidays and make my children suffer and not have fun. I force myself at times to get into the spirit, and have fun. It IS becoming more natural. Which makes me VERY happy.
I love to see the boy's faces light up when the tree is complete and we decorate with snowmen and holiday globes and even Rudolph and the Snow Miser and Heat Miser... ( TOM'S FAVORITES). I love it when the kids and Tom walk around singing "Put one foot in front over the other".... Or "Rudolph the Red nosed reindeer had a very shiny nose"......

We have some of our own traditions now, like making monkey bread on Christmas Eve morning, making Christmas cookies, and watching A Christmas Story, and Its a Wonderful life... WHICH I LOVE BUT TEND TO USUALLY FALL ASLEEP THROUGH! Most of all were a family, that is what matters, and that it is a happy time for the children.

I CAN NOT always live in the past holidays from my childhood, and I refuse to let that consume me. It is NOT easy but IT IS WORTH IT.... Watching the kids faces opening gifts, Reading The Night Before Christmas and even about The birth of Baby Jesus. They even get excited about our simple nativity display. They get very excited and we ALWAYS tell him "Happy birthday" on Christmas!
They get the best of both worlds, and parents that don't fight about the holidays....
After all, isn't this supposed to be a happy, and FUN time of year????????????