I am so aggravated, I don't know why doctors cant seem to plan everything together!?
Why they don't know how to plan things out!!!
I guess I should say the nurses...
I was set to have surgery the 15th...
which wasn't confirmed but that is what they wanted, then it wouldn't work for them AGAIN...
So then it was the 22nd!
Now it wont be until the 29th.
2 days before my 35th birthday... and right before Tom goes back to work.....

For Tom!

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Tom returned from Iraq Thanksgiving evening...
I am so glad he is home, It was a LONG Year!
Welcome home, we missed you... All of us!

"Nesting?"

We have freezing rain outdoors..... Yet, I have an urgency to clean... I feel like it should be a sunny spring day. I feel like I did when I was pregnant, when I went through the last few days "nesting".

I dont know why I feel like this? I do know I have been told I am a bit obsessivlily compulisive. Me? Never!

I just emptied the closet under the stair well Sunday afternoon, and organized it. Cleaned the attic out a week or so ago, and cleaned, decluttered and threw away all the papers that were un~needed in the office and shredded enough to empty the shredder TWICE! I organized my inventory for my home busness, and then we went and had our taxes prepared yesterday. Not to mention the new flooring in the restroom, or toliet, or my new dishwasher that I waited a year on, but didnt see hope of getting until Tom knew that he would be on his own with the household chores while I am recupperating.

I also was told to find a maid to come once a week to help with the Nitty Gritty cleaning. UGH!!!

Did I mention that I also organized all the nails and screws in the garage for Tom and put them in a organizer.. I put them all away by size and everything... I can find where they all are So fast! So can he, and

you all know how a man will look right at something and yet still NOT know where a thing is!

Keeping busy helps the time pass.

I'm feeling uneasy as the date gets closer, even though the nurse called yesterday to tell me that the date will most likley change to the 22nd.... Which I in turn snapped at her, even though it was NOT her fault. Before anyone critizes.... I DID apologize. I just mentally prepare way in advance and when dates change for something like this I panic ( so to speak) I feel a strange feeling and like I am out of control. I cant explain it. I just am a prompt on time person and dont like when dates or times change. I feel a need to be in control of time when it comes to my health or my famlies. I have to remember that time does change and things happen... I cant control that! In the meantime I will continue to "nest"........

Cancer, An Ugly word...

hi there.... Now that Tom is home, things are settling down a bit. We still have to get used to being together, as we are BOTH used to being so independent.

He is still adjusting to my moods as my hormones are still crazy as he says. This due to my hysterctomy in August and the inablity to take HRT. We are surviving though. It hasnt been too bad. Atleast NOT FOR HIM!

I am dealing with the ever pressing date of the 15th of January. That day i am sure will be a day that will forever be etched in my mind. I will be undergoing a double mascetomy. I havent posted in a long time as this was something that has been very upsetting to me. I dont think I will ever understand why things are the way they areor why I am about to go through this.

I am angery at times, sad, and yet relieved. Cancer is a very, very UGLY word, and yet it is humbling too.

I worry so much about that day, what the out come will be, how I will look, feel, what the pain will be..... and and so much more. I will have reconstruction the same day, however there will be two more surgerys to follow before this is all complete. I have the Nations Number One Breast Oncologist, and an Awesome Plastic Surgeon. (Who is also very attractive ;) so those two wonderful men will be helping me through this.

My children are not really sure what to think, they are still young though. My oldest, whom is almost 16 is a bit more concerned. Josh knows and understands the risks, and that makes him and little bit sympathetic, as well as ask alot of questions. I try to answer them the best I can, and I try NOT to "sugarcoat" them. I would hate for him to think I lied to him.

I have been asked if i am scared.... Yes! Very.....

This Year...

Glitter Graphics Maker & MySpace Layouts

Veterans Day

What is a "veteran?" Taken to the net, I found this at , ROD'S US MILITARY BLOG

A Man that really hit it hard!

I thought long and hard last night about this specific topic, as tomorrow is Veterans day.

A lot of people observe it on Mondays, yet it is truly Tuesday.

One would think that would be an easy question to answer. In the millions of laws passed over two centuries by Congress, you would think that at least one of them would define the term "military veteran." In actuality, there is no standardized legal definition of "military veteran" in the United States. You see, veteran benefits weren't created all at one time. They've been added one-by-one for over 200 years by Congress. Each time Congress passed a new law authorizing and creating a new veteran benefit, they included eligibility requirements for that particular benefit. Whether or not one is considered a "veteran" by the federal government depends entirely upon which veteran program or benefit one is applying for.

Defined by me, A Military Veteran is a man or woman that has served our country!

With today's country in the serious turmoil it is in... We NEED more Men and Woman to become able bodies and join the military,to become veterans, become Hero's! I have a few in my family...

My grandfather was a WWII Vet, Thank you Grandpa Lee, and Grandpa Bill,who served in Korea, and WWII....

Also to my husband, O.E.F, and now currently in Iraq.

Regardless of your definition, or what rights that you think they all deserve....They DON'T get enough in my opinion...Yes, I did marry a soldier, I knew what I could be "getting into."

No, I don't enjoy the war, I wish the soldiers were home just like MANY others! Something was started over there, and NOW it HAS to be finished!

YES, it was HIS choice to join the military, BUT could and would you loose a limb, get severely burned, tortured, captured, miss your home, family, a child's birth, the last days of a loved one, OR even die for a COMPLETE stranger? They make those sacrifices for us ... Not because we asked them, not by force, BUT BY CHOICE.

They do it every day, they made a choice to do that for US ALL! ALL of us complete strangers to them.... They would give it all....

Have you thanked them? I mean REALLY thanked them?

Not Me, Not Monday

I did NOT fall asleep in the recliner again last night.
I did NOT wake up at 4:30 AM and decide that since it was SUNDAY, I could go lay down for about 4-5 more hours. Knowing it was really MONDAY!
I did NOT take my kids to the mall, after they were horrible Saturday, even though I needed to shop.
I did NOT ALMOST put up the Christmas tree.
I did NOT sit on Santa's lap for the 1st time since High school over the weekend.
I did NOT get lazy and aggravated looking for a piece of paper, and gingerly allow the ones I didn't want to "fall" carelessly onto the floor.
I did NOT leave them there either!

What we have been up to~

The summer started off great, until June..... This is what proceeded everything our friends, our community, and our family have endured since early June. Just like the song when the lightning strikes the thunder ROLLS~~~~


June brought heavy rain to our town, I think almost 10 inches to be exact, It sure was a sight to wake to ....
This is the playground surrounding my sons school, not to mention the white building you see peeking through the trees is the Kroger's grocery.
This is Marsh, they obviously were out of everything as anyone that could get to them loaded up.... It was kinda like our town was a big camp ground. Since we were all with out power for a minimum of three days Neighbors all got together with food, grills and lawn chairs and joined in TOGETHER.

Then there was the tornado that whipped through the military base.....
The military fellows helping us all out .....
Loosing a first tooth
Getting lots of freckles, and naming each and everyone.
Mastering Potty training! Wow! That was a big one!

Remember the fallen soldiers, and placing a flag for my grandfather who served in WW1Starting school again!



To me what really matters, is that God kept is all safe, he looked out for us, My husband is still gone but God keeps him covered too! Our friend that lost everything have found a new appreciation for their homes, and figured out it isn't what you have, it is what matters most In your heart... Family, being safe and together. I thank God he was there for us all!

It's Happening

Day after Thanksgiving 2007
Christmas Eve 2007
Christmas Day 2007 ( Pouting my chin up to hide it)

January 2008

I have waited SO long to actually feel good about buying clothes, I dont yet... since now I am in between sizes.

I have waited for somone to say Oh wow, and pat me on the back and actually notice the hard work I have been putting forth since I started this change of lifestyle, (change of diet.) I have went for months getting excited as I would see the Dr. for Blood pressure checks, and just last week a glucose test. My sugar and BP had been high off and on but The Dr. asured me that getting the weight off would bring me back. Well I am no longer pre~diabetic, and while my BP spikes at times, the Dr. as have I have noticed now it is usually stress induced. I am not where I need to be or where I want to be, but I do have more energy, and dont get worn out as easily chasing after the boys. I am liking who I see in the mirror again though and that is IMPORTANT! For sixteen years this has been a challenge, and I am FINALLY motivated to do something about it! Espescially since someone yesterday really didnt recognize me, and I told here who I was... she just didnt put it all together UNTIL I showed her my Drivers Licence picture. She thought I looked so different. I am proud the work is showing, but will NEVER forget what I looked like, or HOW it feels to be starred at like you are a pig, when at resturants I always felt like someone was starring like are you going to eat ALL of that! It was so degrading, humiliating...but humbling too. For now I see what others struggle with and will never put an overweight person down. It hurts.... and they too can acheive success, it is hard and alot of work but it isw SO SO worth it! It matters to me that I am healthy and able to let go of it all and be there for my kids and enjoy them... They matter to me, and the weight has made it hard to have fun with them. I am thankful to see that, and to be heading down the right path!

April 24th 2008 ( Previous Pictures were Mid April at the park with the boy's. I havent been able to fit on one in years....

Just a glimpse

Sounds of the 76th IBCT
In the summer of 2007 after learning of an impending deployment in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom, the 76th Infantry Brigade Combat Team of the Indiana National Guard sought the support of the 38th Infantry Division Band. The band had recently debuted a new auxiliary rock band, Rapid Fire.
Rapid Fire received rave reviews for performances in and out of Indiana, including a live performance at the Indianapolis 500. The brigade asked Rapid Fire to arrange, perform and record two songs in support of the deployment. The Soldiers of Rapid Fire, along with many other members of the band, enthusiastically took up the mission and under a short suspense and more than a little anticipation delivered the recordings in time for the Nighthawks' departure ceremony.
When I Chose to be a Soldier captures a rare glimpse of the relationship between deploying Soldiers and their children, the beloved Army Brats.
Nighthawk is a rousing and uplifting salute to the citizen Soldiers of the brigade.
Both songs are available here for free download in MP3 format compliments of Rapid Fire, the 38th Infantry Division Band and the Indiana National Guard.

Nighthawk When I Chose to be a Soldier
Rapid Fire Photo Gallery By Sgt. Mike Krieg

When your low..

I met a new friend when my son started kindergarten this year. She had something I wanted, and she had something "Exciting" she wanted to share as well. Brandy, if you read this, I really don't know if what I was seeking was TRULY what you have given me. I, yes me... approached you. I sought you out, not knowing why "Except for PERFUME"... but someone had a plan much MUCH bigger than I could have ever imagined. My life Is not a open book, I am intimidated very easily and wish to make people happy, to have friends and be liked. I am afraid of rejection, being disliked, and often either OVER compensate things so people like me, or I am quiet and cower in a corner. I don't always know how to act. I am myself with my children, and my husband, I am comfortable with them, as well as my best friends ( more like family) Mr. and Mrs. Heinzmann. I have struggled with somethings for a VERY long time. I have made excuses for things that have went "wrong in my life". I just haven't been doing what I was supposed to. I am constantly reminded of true love and faith through The Heinzmanns, but for some reason something just clicked today.
Brandy... You reminded me to call out to God, and lean on him, to trust him. with tear soaked eyes, and still a ill stomach.. I am at peace, I am tired, my face hurts, my head hurts, my eyes hurt, all from crying and releasing everything to Him.
I honestly can not say where our adventure Brandy will take us, or that I will succeed, And right now I DON'T care, because you gave me more then an opportunity... I hope that Does NOT offend you that I speak it this way... Like I don't care if I do well in our adventure, ( my adventure) ...You reminded me that I have Jesus, and he is there and cares for me, and that is bigger then ANYTHING, EVEN a business transaction. That is bigger then and more of an adventure then what you offered me... I just didn't know it at the time. Neither did you~ All of this from a bottle of perfume! Thanks so much Brandy, you have NO idea what you have done..... Here is a link that Brandy sent to me, I encourage you to view it. Watch it carefully, it is A very powerful message! When you are low, and down, lonely, scared, anxious, He, Jesus is all you need!
Click here to be Moved, I sure was~

This and That~

THANK YOU TOM, for being such a wonferul husband and taking care of us, even when your not home, thinking of us and making us feel your love when you are SO FAR away!

You sacerfice so much for us all, not just your family but so many other Americans as well! You give so much up for us... I know that I could never do what you do, or repay you for what you have done for this country, even though you are just, but one person YOU make a team of others to do the job~ I love you and I am so proud to be your wife, and have you as my Best Friend!

It has been a long time since my husband has gotten to tell me "Goodnight"! Normally he is being told Goodnight from me as the time difference is SEVEN hours. Well, it is 12:08 am and He called me a few minutes ago. He was off to breakfast, and then to work! I love that his voice will be the last one I hear before I crawl into bed tonight, or morning LOL! I miss him so much right now. I can hardly believe that sometimes I CAN and DO survive without him being here. It is SO hard at times. I know that God is using him and every single soldier there. Just refer to my previous thoughts on this, here is a link! God's hands and Feet I hope that many of you will reflect back on this and really think about what it says and know that Yes while I KNOW many don't agree with the war and soldiers being away from home, missing their loved ones; That They THE SOLDIERS chose this lifestyle and myself as a wife knew it was a possibilities that I would see my husband leave for war. I knew this just as him as a soldier. That DOESN'T make it easier. I know that you Tom, will eventually read this.... I miss you Babe, be safe and know we all love you ~
Tom acting just a BIT Silly... Got to do something over there!

Anyway for a subject change! Things have remained busy as usual, which is good at times. The house is done and everything is PERFECTLY organized. FOR NOW!

I don't know why when everything is all put away in a new home (Or in our case a 1930's home) that things look so good and perfect and has a special place UNTIL we all get lazy and just put it where ever. Anyone else do that? I keep finding myself in a hurry and starting to just shove something in the drawer or in a cabinet and find myself scolded by my inner voice... Now, is this where that goes? At least I don't say it out loud or answer myself.. I just put it where it goes! Which So far has not been in the dining room piling up the table! I think it looks too nice when it isn't cluttered!

Told ya it wasn't cluttered! Very simple light over dining room table... Love it~~

The boys had a nice Easter despite their Daddy being gone. We went to some friends house and had a pitch in, had a Easter egg hunt indoors, since it was snowing on Easter! Yes, EASTER! It is Indiana afterall~

Christian is talking ALOT more and going to the potty all by himself. He isn't totally trained but ALMOST! YEAH RAH!!! Some days I cant believe how much the boys are changing, and wonder where they would be if we had taken them into our hearts and our home!

The boy's headed back to school, Spring break was over for them. I am the one that has spring fever now! I can NOT wait to finish "decorating the yard" . First things first though... It has to be CLEANED up!

I love the way the kitchen came out considering the age and what it looked like to start with, remember the before? Just in case you have forgotten... It was DREADFUL! It was enough to make a crazy person sane! Even my MIL thought is was awful... and to say the least she likes alot of things.... I love ya Momma~ BTW. That is my new name for her. It took me 16 years to call her that!

Before>>>

Same wall, AFTER~

Kitchen table, remaining UNCLUTTERED! For now

Favorite wall, Kitchen of coarse! AND....of coarse the Living Room~

Being lost in an Unknown world~

The Family in Hilton Head South Carolina!

Tom and I... Love this picture!

I know so many have been wondering where I have been and what I have been up to.

The long version would take days to type out. So In a "nutshell! The kids have all been overwhelmed and miserable missing Dad, and bust running between 2 homes! Dieting at the same time! WHEWW!

1. Tom left Jan 2, 46 days since I have seen him :(

2. Bought a house right before he left.Even though I initially wanted to wait. Have loved this house for years, and we knew the previous owners, so we know it's history as well.

3. Jan 6Th Had an accident Hit a deer and ran off the road and tore up my van by hitting a farmers fence and dragging it for a bit so deep scratches all the way from the front to the back, on the passenger side, as well as the front window. Deers hoofs were in the windshield right in my sons face!

Good news is that NO one was injured. Deer ran away but may have been hurt and died?? I just don't know. It made me sad and we were ALL shaken up.

4. Have had crappy weather and the adjuster couldn't get to look at damages until the 17Th of January. I could deal with that, I could one, Drive my van and look at how ugly it was but be reminded of how lucky we all were,: or 2 Drive hubby's gas sucking SUV. I choose the van. LOL!

I hated the wallpaper in the kitchen so it is currently being transformed~

The boy's hanging out in the living room, wanting everything over with! Ofcoarse I was having a bit of fun saying Hi to Tom~ Via email and pictures... Looking at the pic's though I see some weight disappering WOOOOOO HOOOOO!The dining room before it was finished!

5. Hired a painter for the dining room, and brother in law to gut the bathroom! ( which was AWFUL! .. The bathroom was that is!)

6. January 21st MLK Day... A 3 days before getting my van fixed from deer damage, I was hit on by a woman hitting me head on. There were witnesses, they all stated she was talking on her cell phone and not watching were she was going and swerved into my lane, which was a turn lane to turn left. She was also speeding and I was completely STOPPED!~ This time we were not as lucky.

7. Burns from the seat belt, and back pain! Kids are all OK! Ride in the ambulance wasn't fun, but things could have been MUCH worse and I am thankful they were not!

8. Trying to remodel a bathroom... SUCKS! Thank God My BIL is a dry~waller.

He gutted the whole thing went and got what we needed and redid it all, INCLUDING paint!

9. While van was in route to storage for Insurance adjusters, the tow guy destroyed the back end! EWWW! I have had enough! Not to mention that they are denying it, and also took it to be auctioned~ Still waiting on outcome but my van Is fixed!

10. Moved on the 23rd, had a small birthday throw together since everyone was here, showered, packed; left the next morning for Hilton Head South Carolina! Drove straight through... What was I thinking? Arrived at Approx 2:30 am and the boys wanted to take a "bath" in the jacuzzi! Spent the rest of the time with Tom who had a pass from Ft Stewart, GA before leaving to Iraq

:( Spent time site seeing and lots of time at the ocean!

Now, I have to UNPACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Help?! This really doesnt do the house justice, we just have path's carved through the rooms!