Wednesday, January 14, 2009

I am so aggravated, I don't know why doctors cant seem to plan everything together!?
Why they don't know how to plan things out!!!
I guess I should say the nurses...
I was set to have surgery the 15th...
which wasn't confirmed but that is what they wanted, then it wouldn't work for them AGAIN...
So then it was the 22nd!
Now it wont be until the 29th.
2 days before my 35th birthday... and right before Tom goes back to work.....

Sunday, January 11, 2009

For Tom!

Tom returned from Iraq Thanksgiving evening...
I am so glad he is home, It was a LONG Year!
Welcome home, we missed you... All of us!

Tuesday, January 06, 2009


We have freezing rain outdoors..... Yet, I have an urgency to clean... I feel like it should be a sunny spring day. I feel like I did when I was pregnant, when I went through the last few days "nesting".

I dont know why I feel like this? I do know I have been told I am a bit obsessivlily compulisive. Me? Never!

I just emptied the closet under the stair well Sunday afternoon, and organized it. Cleaned the attic out a week or so ago, and cleaned, decluttered and threw away all the papers that were un~needed in the office and shredded enough to empty the shredder TWICE! I organized my inventory for my home busness, and then we went and had our taxes prepared yesterday. Not to mention the new flooring in the restroom, or toliet, or my new dishwasher that I waited a year on, but didnt see hope of getting until Tom knew that he would be on his own with the household chores while I am recupperating.

I also was told to find a maid to come once a week to help with the Nitty Gritty cleaning. UGH!!!

Did I mention that I also organized all the nails and screws in the garage for Tom and put them in a organizer.. I put them all away by size and everything... I can find where they all are So fast! So can he, and

you all know how a man will look right at something and yet still NOT know where a thing is!

Keeping busy helps the time pass.

I'm feeling uneasy as the date gets closer, even though the nurse called yesterday to tell me that the date will most likley change to the 22nd.... Which I in turn snapped at her, even though it was NOT her fault. Before anyone critizes.... I DID apologize. I just mentally prepare way in advance and when dates change for something like this I panic ( so to speak) I feel a strange feeling and like I am out of control. I cant explain it. I just am a prompt on time person and dont like when dates or times change. I feel a need to be in control of time when it comes to my health or my famlies. I have to remember that time does change and things happen... I cant control that! In the meantime I will continue to "nest"........

Saturday, January 03, 2009

Cancer, An Ugly word...

hi there.... Now that Tom is home, things are settling down a bit. We still have to get used to being together, as we are BOTH used to being so independent.

He is still adjusting to my moods as my hormones are still crazy as he says. This due to my hysterctomy in August and the inablity to take HRT. We are surviving though. It hasnt been too bad. Atleast NOT FOR HIM!

I am dealing with the ever pressing date of the 15th of January. That day i am sure will be a day that will forever be etched in my mind. I will be undergoing a double mascetomy. I havent posted in a long time as this was something that has been very upsetting to me. I dont think I will ever understand why things are the way they areor why I am about to go through this.

I am angery at times, sad, and yet relieved. Cancer is a very, very UGLY word, and yet it is humbling too.

I worry so much about that day, what the out come will be, how I will look, feel, what the pain will be..... and and so much more. I will have reconstruction the same day, however there will be two more surgerys to follow before this is all complete. I have the Nations Number One Breast Oncologist, and an Awesome Plastic Surgeon. (Who is also very attractive ;) so those two wonderful men will be helping me through this.

My children are not really sure what to think, they are still young though. My oldest, whom is almost 16 is a bit more concerned. Josh knows and understands the risks, and that makes him and little bit sympathetic, as well as ask alot of questions. I try to answer them the best I can, and I try NOT to "sugarcoat" them. I would hate for him to think I lied to him.

I have been asked if i am scared.... Yes! Very.....

This Year...

Pyzam Glitter Text Maker
Glitter Graphics Maker & MySpace Layouts