A Peice of Me

By the way, I love SNOWMEN.... Notice the cute snowman garland? I totally took the tree apart last night and redid the whole entire thing! LOL :) The things that you do when the kids are in bed sound asleep and you are lonely and have a big empty bed to fall into! Oh, I miss Tom!

As a child I grew up as a preachers ( PK for short) daughter, things were hard. My father was assistant pastor of our small hometown church and he always wanted to stress the importance of the meaning of Christmas. My mother and father disagreed alot on whether to give us girls presents. Dad thought that something small and simple and inexpensive was the way to go... He didn't want to feed into a mass frenzy of loosing the TRUE meaning of Christmas.
Mom always wanted to decorate elaborately, and give us lots of gifts. In turn she did what she wanted and this caused ALOT of fighting between them at Christmas. Which has caused problems for me that have lasted since childhood. I dreaded Christmas as a child because there would always be yelling and fighting for ones beliefs. I can NOT say that either of them were wrong but there should have been some compromise. There was also the fact that there was not alot of money because my mom is a shopper... ALL year round! So at Christmas she maxed out credit cards and then more fighting about bills coming in. However the truth is that she never bought us much..She spent it on other things... FOR the HOUSE!. IT was the decorations, the place mats,tablecloths, the garland, the wreaths the ELABORATE dinner complete with Fine China. Which I may add she bought a new set EVERY year. Inviting friends over and shooing us kids away, but NOT with out hearing her say... Oh look at what I bought~ She always has been about showing off. Spending well beyond the means of Dad's income. Don't get me wrong I love both of my parents but to say the least I do not have the best relationship with my mom.

To me every year I walk through the stores and feel anxiety sweep over me like I know the past will repeat. It DOESN'T! ( The past). It is completely opposite. My husband LOVES the holidays and likes to pick fun things out to decorate with... WITHIN reason. Not to mention we buy alot of things the day after Christmas for the following year. I guess what I am saying is that the holidays have always been hard for me. I remember too much from a child. So, in turn when I hear Christmas music on the radio, and start seeing the decorations come out at the store I kinda shut down. That is totally unfair and something I have worked on for the last several years. I have gotten alot better at not getting sad or anxious about the holidays and now I even laugh at the Charlie Brown Specials , and Rudolph and Frosty..... We couldn't even watch those as a child, because it was not what the meaning of Christmas was.

I am constantly reminding myself that I do NOT have to repeat what my parents did through the holidays and make my children suffer and not have fun. I force myself at times to get into the spirit, and have fun. It IS becoming more natural. Which makes me VERY happy.
I love to see the boy's faces light up when the tree is complete and we decorate with snowmen and holiday globes and even Rudolph and the Snow Miser and Heat Miser... ( TOM'S FAVORITES). I love it when the kids and Tom walk around singing "Put one foot in front over the other".... Or "Rudolph the Red nosed reindeer had a very shiny nose"......

We have some of our own traditions now, like making monkey bread on Christmas Eve morning, making Christmas cookies, and watching A Christmas Story, and Its a Wonderful life... WHICH I LOVE BUT TEND TO USUALLY FALL ASLEEP THROUGH! Most of all were a family, that is what matters, and that it is a happy time for the children.

I CAN NOT always live in the past holidays from my childhood, and I refuse to let that consume me. It is NOT easy but IT IS WORTH IT.... Watching the kids faces opening gifts, Reading The Night Before Christmas and even about The birth of Baby Jesus. They even get excited about our simple nativity display. They get very excited and we ALWAYS tell him "Happy birthday" on Christmas!
They get the best of both worlds, and parents that don't fight about the holidays....
After all, isn't this supposed to be a happy, and FUN time of year????????????