I want to Go........

TO DREAM LAND....

Do you ever wish that you could cross over from reality to dream~land. I seen this picture the other day and thought about how much I liked it. Not just because I am a HUGE Disney fan.

Everything lately seems to be unraveling. Life STINKS!

Tom hears more about leaving to Iraq and tells me a little bit more, I just want to tell him not to go, but I keep my mouth shut. He can't stay here just because I say he can't go, or because his mom says SON YOUR GROUNDED~ ( His mom said to tell the military that HA HA) I know he is doing his job and doesn't want to leave us but at the same time he doesn't want to not go with his guys. I guess the thing is now, I KNOW what to expect since he has already done a 16 month " field trip" in Afghanistan. He had a tough time, missed home, holidays, birthdays, and our anniversary, lost four friends on Easter day, and his wedding ring on Valentines day. We missed a lot too. The kids need their father. ( ALL Kids do.) I am doing my best to not say anything about how miserable I ( or we) will be. I know it wont be easy for him either and I don't want to give him more stress. So I am just praying for peace and safety and strength.

I also went to the doctor about being "late" and having dreams about being pregnant, along with one negative pregnancy test and one positive. There is no baby, I am NOT pregnant. It is stress and hormones. I was scared of being pregnant, with him leaving and the fact that he has been "neutered". I told him I was late, and he said how.... I have not been messing around and he said you cant be pregnant and if you are I wont be happy, because it would make him think I did something wrong.( he is neutered remember) BUT he did say he would not leave not leave me not knowing the truth about the baby's paternity. SO I was relived about that, and that he trusted me. If we were meant to have a baby we would and that he would be fine with. ( Just not me cheating) So anyway I was thinking OK, a baby I can do this.. Now it is not a thought... Just a little relieved and sadness at the same time. I just wish I could crawl inside that canvas with Tink and go play and dance where there are no worries and be a kid. My grandpa would be proud to hear me say that. When I was mad and grumpy on my 13th birthday I wished that I could be a grown up when I blew out the candles. (I told only him my wish) . He said I bet when you are grown you wont feel the same. He even bet me I wouldn't. Here is to Grandpa..... $20.00... He won!